I shared recently about how I had decided to start taking Michael to see a psychologist and promised an update on how it’s been going.
One of the original things that motivated me to take him was a concern over his levels of anxiety and his self-esteem. Whenever he would get frustrated about something or be sent for a timeout, he was constantly saying things like, “Everybody thinks I’m stupid” and “Nobody likes me,” usually at the top of his voice as he stormed off to his room.
After the psychologist met with me and then talked with Michael for a while, she felt that his feelings of low self-esteem weren’t pervasive and that it was more a function of him just coming out with something drastic when he was extremely frustrated, since he didn’t really know how to handle that much emotion. And, sure enough, within a month of so, he switched from yelling about how horrible he was to how horrible WE were, as is “I hate you” and “You are the worst parent ever!”
(At this point, I am ignoring the yelling as long as he is actually on his way to his room for some alone time – which is sometimes a mom-ordered timeout and sometimes a self-imposed break.)
I took him to meet with psychologist weekly for a while, and then she suggested having him join one of her playgroups, which each have up to 4 or 5 kids all close in age/functioning level. He started going to the Kindergarten-2nd grade group and enjoyed it at first – partly because he had started being aware that he was different from the other kids at school and wanted to meet these other kids I said were out there who “thought like him.”
After a while, though, the group was ready to move into a more free-form time, where the kids would negotiate what games or activities they would do together. Michael and one of the other children were having trouble with this and still needed to focus on the challenges of actually playing together, especially with non-preferred activities. So she split the group into two and continued providing a more structured environment for the one Michael now attends.
Over the past year, he has definitely shown some progress in his ability to control his whining, continue playing a game even when he thinks he might lose (in group and at school, that is, God forbid anyone should beat him in MarioKart Wii!) and allow another child to contribute to his imaginary play. The psychologist is actually talking now about having him go back to the other group once in a while and see how he does with it.
I still occasionally make individual appointments with her to discuss specific concerns I may have and for her to work with him one-on-one. Overall, it has been an extremely rewarding experience!
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I really appreciate hearing this. I am planning on getting my little boy into some kind of playschool or montessori in September, just two mornings a week to help with his social skills. I know you had a specific kind of help but it is so good to hear that it can, not only work, but be very successful too:) Well done Michael, thats is great progress:) Jen.
This is an immeasurably encouraging post, Trish. You show how behavior can be prompted to change incrementally under the eyes of someone who knows the developmental progression of social play. Reminds me of how specifically exercise and movement development needs to managed.
Wishing you ongoing strength for ignoring the “I hate you” messages. Those are hard to hear from any child.
I'm so glad to hear that it's going well…and really happy to hear that some of what he was saying might just be dramatic and not that he actually feels so bad about himself. That was hard to read…I can't imagine what it must have felt like for Mom. Thank you for sharing. =)
That is awesome that the psychcologist is helping. I need to get Dakota into play groups more. I hear the I hate yous and Your the worst parent ever. It's so hard not to be broken hearted when they say that. I can't wait to go to Madison for his work up with the Doctors it will be great to see the Doctor down there again. I love hearing the positiveness that comes out of these appointments.
It truly sounds like you have a gem of a psychologist. Definitely a keeper. Thanks for the update.
That sounds like a great way to start. If he is getting speech or occupational therapy, maybe you could have those therapists go to that setting occasionally to work on skills in a group setting.
Thanks – it helps me to have a professional's perspective on all of this! It's easier to handle his behavior when I at least have a plan for my own.
Sometimes I feel like I am parenting a teenage girl – stomping off to his room, throwing himself on his bed, etc.
Thanks for the encouragement!
I try to look at is as a sign that he is doing something typical children do too! At least the fact that he is trying to say something that will hurt me shows he is aware of my feelings. It is depressing sometimes, though.
Yeah, she's awesome! It's so nice to have a consistent person who's in our corner.
That sounds like a great way to start. If he is getting speech or occupational therapy, maybe you could have those therapists go to that setting occasionally to work on skills in a group setting.
Thanks – it helps me to have a professional's perspective on all of this! It's easier to handle his behavior when I at least have a plan for my own.
Sometimes I feel like I am parenting a teenage girl – stomping off to his room, throwing himself on his bed, etc.
Thanks for the encouragement!
I try to look at is as a sign that he is doing something typical children do too! At least the fact that he is trying to say something that will hurt me shows he is aware of my feelings. It is depressing sometimes, though.
Yeah, she's awesome! It's so nice to have a consistent person who's in our corner.
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